This is from a long time ago, but damn it's cute, so I kept it around...

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David Jeffrey Ljung - Resume

David Jeffrey Ljung

1584 Fulton Street #2
San Francisco, CA 94117
Home: 415 922-2697
Work: 408 490-DAVE

Objective

I am looking for a full-time position as a partner at Bert Enterprises that will utilize my romantic and creative skills while improving my long-term position in the company (with retirement benefits).

Work Experience

Marketing, Bert Enterprises May 1994 - January 1998.

Now that the SDFL (see below) is complete, I'm working in marketing to help gain acceptance.

Love Engineer, Bert Enterprises May 1994 - January 1998.

I was part of a Engineering team that created a new type of connector called SDFL (SuperDuperFuzzyLove) that had better connections than previously thought possible.

Research And Development, Madison TwoWeek Industries August 1992 - May 1994.

I was part of a development group that spearheaded relationship sets in the Madison Wisconsin area.
Reason for leaving: Better offer at B.E.

Psychotic Fool, KateSoft February 1989 - August 1992.

I cleaned toilets with my tongue.

Animal Husbandry, DaveLand December 1971 - Current.

Involved in many aspects of animal growth and love. I've worked on the following projects:

  • Butterscotch
  • Cinder 1.0
  • Joe
  • Maxmillian Fantastic
  • Sagittarius Excalibur
  • Kodiak T. Bear
  • Cinder 2.0
  • Mr. Peterson

    • Skills

    Connectivity

    I am able to accomplish greater interconnectivity in relationships than previous structures allowed. My specialty is in mobile/remote empathic connections.

    Sweet Lovin'

    I have 10 years experience in Sweet, Sweet Lovin' I am willing to learn and try new things and I am not intimidated by machinery (battery powered) or lubricants required. I have special work experience in the two fields of Snuggling and Licking.

    Humor

    I am very, very witty.

    Education

    Degree: SoulMate Engineering doubled with Bachelors of Snuggling from the School Of Sweet Lovin'
    School: University Of Dave's Life

    References available on request